Change

Change is inevitable...

The past few months I have completely lost my writing/blogging/social media mojo. I was so passionate about it, I just really enjoy writing and engaging with other mothers/women and it is one of my rare actual 'hobbies'.

However, when you lose some life 'mojo' I found it seriously hard to care about my online life. I started off my Instagram @everythingisro as more of a home account, I was getting seriously obsessed with other peoples home and interior pages and wanted to join in on the fun. It naturally graduated to more of a mother & home Instagram, in line with my blog. 

I think one of the main reasons I loved the home instagram's is that I was just so beyond happy I had my own home. I don't own a home but my rented flat is just paradise to me. I felt like I had finally made it to where I wanted to be, in a loving relationship with a baby and a gorgeous flat to live in. I didn't want the 4.5 bedroom and large garden picket fence home straight away, its been so much fun starting from scratch and making it into a lovely little home, and to have excitement to work your way into bigger homes whether it's renting or buying. I used to constantly change my bedroom around when I lived with my parents, and buy little bits to make it pretty, and I was so ecstatic that I now had a whole home to play with. 

Everything was great, Rosie had just turned one and I felt proud as a peach hosting her first birthday party. I was back at work and actually enjoying it so much more after my maternity, I felt as if I was working the ideal number of hours this time around and it fitted in so well with my fiances hours, who worked at the same company. Don't get me wrong, there were some rubbish days but overall I loved my job, I knew it inside out as I had been doing it for the past six years since I was a young nineteen years old. (cry)

Life plays cruel tricks on you sometimes, I've always been a bit cautious that once you get too comfortable and happy somehow life turns upside down. A few weeks after Rosies birthday my partner and I both found out we were getting made redundant. Our job roles were soon to be no longer a thing, the company was restructuring. I found out via my partner who had found out first, due to me not attending the meeting as I was at home with Rosie. That phone call was massively hard for him, he knows how I panic even at the small things let alone the big things. 

I was so not ready to be shoved out of a place I didn't feel ready to leave, let alone both of us. I just kept thinking why couldn't this of happened a few years ago before we decided to settle down and have a baby. Your mind goes off to some crazy places. But what if I can't afford food for my baby? What if we can't pay rent and have nowhere to live? In retrospect, those were some pretty extreme worries, although not impossible I think they are worst possible scenarios. 

This is where I hit my slump. How could I possibly be excited about my home and almost my life when I didn't know what was around the bend? I felt as though it had all been snatched from me as soon as things got okay. 2016-2017 although a happy time had a lot of challenges and I had finally felt like everything had settled down, and we could plan for the future, we got engaged the previous November and everything was possible. Now I felt like we were back to square one. How could we both find jobs that either paid enough for childcare or fit in so well with Rosie like our previous ones? Would we ever be able to spend time together as a family or will the new jobs we have mean we barely ever see each other now? What about having money to plan a wedding or move out into a house?

Time went on closer to the date of leaving (thankfully the company were respectful enough to give us some time) and time is a funny thing. Once you process and start thinking of ways around things it all becomes a little easier. The shock of a situation happening that you never thought would is often a lot worse than the issues itself. 

We started to view it as a new opportunity. New Beginnings. You get so stuck in a rut of doing the same thing every day you don't normally stop and ask yourself what do I really want to do in the long term? We decided it can go two ways, either we accept its happening, see it as a positive thing and move on with our lives, and we may look back and decide it was the best thing that ever happened to us. Or we can be miserable, bitter and annoyed it was happening to us when we finally got everything sorted. 

We decided on the first one, now don't get me wrong, for a long time like I've said we had days where we were so down in the dumps and felt like we hadn't go anything to look forward too now. But I realised there is no reason to dwell on things that can't be changed. Whatever it is in your own lives, whether its silly things or massive things the reality is that so much is out of our control and whilst that may scare the living daylights out of you (it does me too at times) it can also be a really exciting time to grow as a person. 

Months have passed since these massive changes and things are on the up. Somethings have already turned out better than we ever expected, and that's the beauty of life that sometimes things that go wrong can lead to things that go right. Currently, I am excited about the future and what it holds, I think things have become easier since I've accepted that change is always going to happen whether we like it or not, you can't control it all. Just like taxes, periods, growing old, rain, hangovers (ok I suppose the last one you could control by never drinking again but let's not go too crazy here!!)

The most recent photo of us cracks me up- Rosie was not impressed by the zoo animals, he's posing like a joker and I'm pulling a ridiculous face. As long as I have my fellow weirdos everything will work out!

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